[NSFW] STUPID MONSTER SEXPOCALYPSES

[cawnviction]

HERE IS CROW, WHO YOU APPARENTLY WANT TO BANG FOR SOME REASON. WITH ALL YOUR ADDITIONAL APPENDAGES/POWERS, HOW WRONG CAN IT GO?

Also general gore warning on top of the NSFW warning because this is all about Bad Monster Ideas.

If you want to play it out monster sex going wrong, but not in a public manner, please post a blank comment and I'll screen it, which will cause the rest of the thread to be screened.


Things that have Gone Wrong (including threads in other peoples' museboxes):
- Crow getting his dick stuck in holes that are too small and rigid
- Crow literally breaking someone's ass
- Condoms and the equivalent of blood getting stuck inside Crow's genital slit
- Crow getting his mouth burned and ice cream stuck in the lower jaw of his whale mask
- Crow getting his tail burned
- Crow getting his dick ripped off (blowjobs going wrong in the worst way) before getting killed
- Crow killing someone via blowjob
- Crow getting a too hot dick up his ass

Comments

[intercalaryninja]

[Tsukikage scratches the back of his head and wonders if he really should just turn around and leave. He's not trying to kill Crow, but knowing the other classes in the Fuuma Duel School... he really feels like he is.

But he's not. He keeps having to remind himself that. He even made sure he had a proper dinner before meeting him here, in the large bedroom.]

... Yes. It is not exactly... encouraged for us of the Fuuma Clan to do such thing.

[So yes he's got the guilty look in all eight of his eyes.]

[cawnviction]

[Crow reaches up -- man, ever since he became an arachne, Tsukikage's become even more obnoxiously tall -- to put his hands on Tsukikage's shoulders to reassure him.]

The whole idea is to enjoy yourself. Can't do that if you feel ashamed about it. [Crow gives Tsukikage a sidelong look.] Besides, I'm not much more experienced.

[The last time had been a few years ago and Crow had spent most of it crying into a stranger's chest. Tsukikage really wouldn't have to try very hard to make this a better experience than that. Crow slides his hands from down Tsukikage's shoulders, twining his fingers between one pair of Tsukikage's hands.]

So let's take it easy. If you're uncomfortable at any point, let me know and I'll stop what I'm doing. And if there's anything you want to try, I'm all ears.

[intercalaryninja]

{He bends his knees so it's easier for Crow to hold him. It looks dumb from an outsider's perspective, but it helps with the moment they're sharing.]

... Right.

[He squeezes the merman's hand back and gives a nod of affirmation. He can do this. He's determined to.]

. . . You're alright not seeing my face though, right?

[Because a lot of people do actually think it's rude for their partners to cover their faces, funnily enough. Unless you're into that, but that's another story.]

[cawnviction]

[Well, it's not like there's anyone else watching, right? Crow's tail curls behind him, head tilting in a bird-like manner. Uh, that's a kind of weird request but then again, Tsukikage's always been kind of weird about exposing his face for as long as Crow's known him.]

Right. Ninja secret.

[The corner of Crow's mouth curls in amusement before he shrugs.]

If you don't want to show it, that's fine.

[intercalaryninja]

[Well, it is the principle, but along with discipline, embarrassment does play a role in it. After all, there's such secrecy around his face, he's sure it's not going to live up to any expectations that anyone has for him. (It's a childish thought, but one he holds all the same.)]

You have my thanks.

. . .

That's my only request. I'll... make it up to you however you want, Crow-san.

[Shirt's coming off. Someone teach this boy like... foreplay or something. He's not exactly romantic.]

[cawnviction]

[Romance? Pft. Crow grins, hands helping Tsukikage out of his clothes. Or at least, attempting to. Undoing belts worn by other people is still an art he hasn't yet mastered.]

So what I'm hearing is, "Crow-sama, please have your way with me!"

[Do you regret your choice in partner yet, Tsukikage?]

Is that what you want?

[intercalaryninja]

[Good thing that he doesn't wear many belts around his pants (since he doesn't wear any) but there's still a couple around his torso that slip out.

But good, you manage to get a laugh out of him.]

You should consider getting your ears checked. Might still be a bit waterlogged there.

Try, I'd prefer your guidance and if you'd lead, I'd appreciate it.

[cawnviction]

Oh so its the opposite? You want to do me?

[Nevertheless, Crow does take one pair of Tsukikage's hands and plants them firmly on his own hips, beneath his shirt. Crow steps forward, lightly pressing his body against Tsukikage's, sliding his hands up the ninja's back. His tail arches upwards at the base.]

How 'bout this? Step 1, help me out of my clothes.

[Crow does sneak a glance downwards. Do spiders have dicks? He kind of lost his when he'd been a harpy... so it's a legitimate question, here!]

[intercalaryninja]

I didn't say that. It might be... difficult. Pedipalps operate very much in sync.

[Good thing about four arms is that it's very easy to cop a feel while trying to actually do something. The hands slide up from Crow's hips, feeling out his back, spine and fins, while his upper arms do the work and begin unzipping the man's shirt.

He's doing his best not to rip Crow's clothes, and his restraint hides his eagerness. What isn't hidden, however, is the two pedipalps, his two frontmost legs, that are bending in on themselves, touching Tsukikage's body as if he was trying to preemptively explore his body. It's very evident that he's not familiar with spider anatomy, and he can't figure out for the life of him where the gonopore is.

A+ Tsukikage. You want to bottom and you don't know where your hole is. You just have two 'dick legs' touching your exoskeleton, nerd.]

[cawnviction]

[See? Crow always knew having extra arms is extra convenient. In contrast to his human flesh, Crow's whale skin is smooth and rubbery. When Tsukikage's fingers brush the base of his dorsal spines, Crow's breath hitches in his throat momentarily, earfins perking up briefly.

Crow's shirt comes off easily; it's backless to account for his dorsal spines, and the strings tying it together are easily undone. Convenient! His pants, on the other hand... In addition to the usual features of pants, there's a pair of long zippers down the sides to allow for his leg fins to fit, as well as a tail flap to hide to hole that's clearly needed for his tail.]

Pedipalps?

[Crow hasn't exactly read up on spider anatomy but he's watching the pedipalps. Man how does spider anatomy work. He can't really see anything. This is totally unfamiliar territory, here! He doesn't see a dick but surely there's gotta be a hole somewhere between all those legs, right? There's so many legs. So many.

Crow just kind of. Wraps his hands around what he's approximating as the 'wrist' of the pedipalps.]

You mean these things?

[intercalaryninja]

[Oh, at least his skin is nice to play with. Tsukikage makes a mental note to go back around the dorsal spines as his hands meticulously go over the other's torso, quietly taking in where Crow liked, and what places got him better than others. He's determined to check every bit of skin Crow had. Every bit.

He'll have to duck down to get to the pants though, but Tsukikage makes the transition as smooth as possible. Once the shirt is off, the exploring role is transferred to his upper hands, while his lower ones begin going for the zippers. He has to crouch to get it, of course, bending two segments of each leg in order to get to the right height to free the smaller man of his garments.]

Hrk...

[Grabbing the pedipalps makes them tense before immediately slackening, and they relax, letting Crow see them. At the end of each 'foot', there's a black bulb, thick and sticky to the touch.]

Yes... At the end of them, those are the Palpal bulbs... sexually mature spiders use them to transfer sperm.

[Read: you're holding his dick foots, Crow. Those things are always on the outside.]

[cawnviction]

[Unfortunately, one of the things Crow had to give up since becoming a mer was nipples. Fingers down his ribs elicit the tiniest of shivers, though.]

Hold on.

[Crow glances down at the pedipalps he's holding. Then up at Tsukikage. Then back down at them. Then back up at Tsukikage.]

You're telling me that these are spider dicks? ...And you've been walking around with these hanging out all this time!?

[What.]

And people get on my case when I walk around without any pants!

[Because on first inspection, it looks like he doesn't have any genitalia.]

[intercalaryninja]

[Ribs. Noted down. He'll come back to those bits later.]

Well, in crude terms, yes. . . The bulbs are. However, they're not out like this all the time. They dilate like this whenever a spider is sexually mature or sexually active. The pediplaps themselves are organs I use for sensing things and tasting.

[He blinks and sighs]

Please don't compare my legs with yours. They are different.

[cawnviction]

Huh.

[Spiders sure are weird!]

So... If I do this...?

[Crow loosens his grip on both pedipalps until his hands are closer to the tips. Then, tightening his grip, he runs his thumbs lightly over the bulb.]

You're telling me you're tasting me at the same time?

[Like... some kind of dick tongue?]

[intercalaryninja]

[Yes, don't remind him.]

I feel it more from upper the leg than there but... Yes. Technically I am. Thanks for washing your hands, by the way. I appreciate it.

[cawnviction]

Thanks, I think.

[Okay, not the reaction he was going for. Damn monster anatomy and being weird and different. Crow's brow pinches. Looks like he's just going to have to fumble around until he figures out something.

If he moves his hands back up to the base of the pedipalps and squeezes there...?]

[intercalaryninja]

[Probably the reaction you wanted, which is Tsukikage's claws digging into your rubbery flesh.]

Hrk! ... Mghh...

[That's sensitive! ow!]

[cawnviction]

[Whoops! Maybe that was a bit too much too fast.

Though Crow lets out a grunt of pain from the clawing, his lips curl up into a long grin, pulling his body flush with Tsukikage's.]

So, how's step 1 coming along?

[His pants aren't exactly all the way undone, are they? But Crow's going to make this difficult by running his hands along the base of Tsukikage's pedipalps, alternating between firm and feather light.]

[intercalaryninja]

... Getting there.

[He is. He maybe has a few more zippers, mostly the ones along the sides involving him having to go all the way down Crow's legs. He's red-faced yet calmer than he feels, somehow not tearing the pants off like some horny teenager. Not that he doesn't almost do it.]

A-are you always such a tease?

[cawnviction]

[Crow hums, a hand sliding up Tsukikage's back while he begins to slowly grind his hips up against the arachne, the other hand still stroking a pedipalp.]

Hm, hard to tell. It's been a while.

[Crow's tail is arching up at the base, curling at the tip. As Tsukikage works on Crow's pants, it's increasingly obvious Crow doesn't seem to have a penis.

...Which probably isn't that surprising, when Tsukikage's seen him transform from water to land, where Crow never wore pants to the occasion. But there is a long slit running from below his belly button down between his legs.]

[intercalaryninja]

[Tsukikage breathes deeply, the bulbs bulging even more that they were before from the sensation. It's as close as Tsukikage can get to erect in this form, but it feels really good.]

Do you think you can take me? Physically?

[Tsukikage asks tamely as he pulls off the pants, one pair of arms neatly folding it before he puts it aside because he's pedantic like that.]

[cawnviction]

[As Tsukikage pulls off Crow's pants, Crow obligingly helps in the task by pulling his legs and tail out of them.]

If you're worried about me not having the equipment...

[Crow makes a grab for one of Tsukikage's hands to place it directly on his own crotch, intending to guide Tsukikage's fingers into his genital slit. There is definitely something in there.]

[intercalaryninja]

[As long as it's not the hands that's making sure their clothes aren't crumpled for the next day, Tsukikage doesn't mind him being grabbed. That is until he suddenly feels where exactly Crow has guided him. He looks at the merman and pauses, before smirking slightly. ]

I was. But I'm sure it's up to Standard.

[Or synchro. Whatever joke is there. Tsukikage slips his fingers in, rubbing the dormant cock with the flat of his nails, the long, strong digits slowly pumping the man.]

[cawnviction]

[Crow gives Tsukikage a flat stare. Really? Really?]

You did not just make a stupid punnnghh--

[His sentence is cut off by an indiscreet moan when Tsukikage's hand wraps around him. Crow's hands reflexively go for the shoulders of Tsukikage's lower shoulders, his blunt, nailess fingers digging in hard as he rolls his hips up against Tsukikage's hand. It's not difficult to coax out Crow's cock, a slightly longer than usual penis that's thick at the base and narrower at the tip.

A little breathless, he says--]

Did you bring condoms?

[Because Crow sure as hell hadn't been expecting to get any.]

[intercalaryninja]

[Tsukikage just gives him a smug look back as he continues playing at the cock, slicking it down with his hands as it comes out. It's... an interesting shape. Very interesting.]

I wasn't sure of your size.

[But he gestures to his backmost legs where he has small leather pouches, used to store all his things. Tsukikage had gone shopping and just had gotten one of each size. There's probably some monster condoms for your magnum dong or something Crow.]