[NSFW] STUPID MONSTER SEXPOCALYPSES

[cawnviction]

HERE IS CROW, WHO YOU APPARENTLY WANT TO BANG FOR SOME REASON. WITH ALL YOUR ADDITIONAL APPENDAGES/POWERS, HOW WRONG CAN IT GO?

Also general gore warning on top of the NSFW warning because this is all about Bad Monster Ideas.

If you want to play it out monster sex going wrong, but not in a public manner, please post a blank comment and I'll screen it, which will cause the rest of the thread to be screened.


Things that have Gone Wrong (including threads in other peoples' museboxes):
- Crow getting his dick stuck in holes that are too small and rigid
- Crow literally breaking someone's ass
- Condoms and the equivalent of blood getting stuck inside Crow's genital slit
- Crow getting his mouth burned and ice cream stuck in the lower jaw of his whale mask
- Crow getting his tail burned
- Crow getting his dick ripped off (blowjobs going wrong in the worst way) before getting killed
- Crow killing someone via blowjob
- Crow getting a too hot dick up his ass

Comments

[intercalaryninja]

I can manage.

[He can. It's only a little pain. Considering what Ryslig used to put him through to get him to this state of monsterness, he can deal with it. He winces though as the chip is picked off, coming out in Crow's hands. Something pink and slimy oozes out of the cracks, but Tsukikage can't see it.]

How are you feeling?

[cawnviction]

[Crow doesn't like the sound of that. "I can manage"... gives him a bad feeling.

...Just like that pink ooze. A distressed whale noise rips its way out of Crow's throat and he very manfully manages not to yank himself right out. Oh. Oh no. What the hell is that!? And it's all over his dick!?!?

His voice comes out a little high.]

I'm fine. I'm fine! Stay still, okay?

[Crow forces his hands to steady and with a little prying using his fingers, Crow finally, finally frees himself.]

[intercalaryninja]

Hm?

[Tsukikage blinks. He only feels the residual pain from Crow's picking, so he just watches Crow's face as he tries to pull out. He's doing very well to not tear his dick out of Tsukikage, all things considering, but he knows something is long as soon as Crow pushes with his hands and fingers. Tsukikage's eyes widen and he hisses, more of his innards spilling out with the jostling.]

A-ahhh... What happened?

[That hurts and that pink gunk is still slowly oozing out. Oh look... the gonopore lining is visible amongst the hemolymph.]

[cawnviction]

[This is the fastest boner killer ever. In fact, Crow's erection -- now that it's freed of Tsukikage's gonopore -- makes a hasty retreat back into his genital slit, condom, hemolymph and all. Augh! Not only is he gonna have to fish out the condom later, now there's spider blood in him, too!!

Focus. Crow hurriedly snatches up his shirt and shoves it up against Tsukikage's bleeding underside, applying pressure. Damn it, he has no idea how to do first aid on spiders???]

You're uh. [He doesn't know what the heck that pink stuff is but...] Bleeding. From where I broke off a bit of your shell.

[intercalaryninja]

[That's one fucking scared dick. You should have that checked, Crow. Tsukikage flinches as Crow all but shoves the cloth up there and sits up properly.]

Ugh... It... should be okay in the long run. I'd grow another exoskeleton in a few months and shed this one but...

[He has no idea what he's going to do now and he can't go bleeding from his crotch for the next few weeks.]

[cawnviction]

[Crow keeps his shirt pressed against Tsukikage's gonopore.]

The bleeding should stop soon. I mean, I'm sure spiders can still scab over, right?

[...Right? Crow drags a hand down his face.]

Sorry for such a crappy first time.

[intercalaryninja]

I'm sure they can.

[Not... one hundred percent though. He should try look it up later.]

No, it was my fault for rushing it. I didn't think such a... predicament would happen. I know now to avoid it...

[cawnviction]

[Crow waves away Tsukikage's apology.]

Neither of us were expecting it. This is kinda... uncharted territory, you know?

[No guides to monster sex in Ryslig. Crow checks the shirt. Hopefully the bleeding's slowed.]

I can take you home after this.

[Unless Tsukikage still had things he wanted to try?]

[intercalaryninja]

Maybe I should write up a map as a warning.

[Again, stop joking with a straight face, ninja.]

Are you sure? It feels... wrong. I'd prefer if I could make it up to you, Crow.

[cawnviction]

[Pft. The joke gets a quiet laugh from Crow. But after that? Crow can't help but flash Tsukikage an incredulous look.]

You're the one who's bleeding from your butt and you want to make it up to me?

[intercalaryninja]

Yes... I should have at least prepared properly if I wanted to do this. Being cowardly and not looking into it was completely my fault. The consequence isn't the amends.

[He'll... give you some sort of sexual favour, Crow-san]

[cawnviction]

[Crow shakes his head.]

There isn't anything to look up. What's out there on monster sex is what humans imagine it to be like. A lot of it is...

[Crow makes a vague gesture.]

If you want to do something for me, I'd rather you do it because you want to, not because you feel guilty, okay?

[intercalaryninja]

[Well, he was thinking more along the lines of fingering and dildos but he's not going to be stopping Crow's comfort train any time soon. He just nods along.]

I kind of want to do something with my mouth to your genitals.

[SEXY AS HELL YES.]

[cawnviction]

[Crow opens his mouth, then closes it. Then opens it again. Wow that delivery.]

You want to give me a blowjob.

[It's said flatly. His next words, however, are said with bewilderment.]

I still have your blood on me! And you still want to do that?

[intercalaryninja]

It wouldn't be the worst fluid in my mouth. I have no issue with it. In fact... cleaning you up will... help with the spider instincts.

[The ones that are ridiculously meticulous and are nagging at him to clean up his damn mess.]

May I?

[cawnviction]

[It's butt blood. Crow shakes his head.]

Look. Let me clean up first.

[In the bathroom.]

For humans, going anal to oral like that would be asking for trouble.

[Transferral of bacteria etc. etc. Martha made sure he knew.]

Besides, wouldn't you need to take off your mask to blow me?

MICROBIOLOGY MAJOR INTENSIFIES

[intercalaryninja]

[TECHNICALLY NOT since his asshole is like a couple of inches south of there. It's more like a vagina hole and the blood isn't even from there.]

Alright.

[Better Crow be somewhat comfortable over actually arguing specifics. Tsukikage can wait. Also TECHNICALLY that's not faecal oral transfer in the technical sense but details.]

I trust you not to look.

[He almost offers to blindfold you though.]

[cawnviction]

[Crow doesn't even know a whale's not a fish. Biology is not his strong point. Spider anatomy is a whole new level of mysterious. He lets out a soft snort.]

I don't trust me not to look. [Crow makes indistinct gesture with his hands] You'll be... right there.

[Blowing him. It's kind of hard not to look. He likes eye contact ok.]

[intercalaryninja]

My mouth will extend far enough that we can cover it with the cloth and still maintain eye contact with a couple of eyes without it being awkward. It may be best if you don't see what is connected to my face.

[And what clamps over your dick.]

[cawnviction]

[Okay those are some really ominous words. Just what is he agreeing to here...?

Plus that arrangement sounds even more awkward. Crow makes a face that suggests he's not keen on that suggestion.]

Can't you just... blindfold me? Seems easier.

[intercalaryninja]

[Well that was the compromise if one wanted to keep eye contact. Hearing that makes Tsukikage sigh in relief.]

Alright... I can do that. ... You should sit on the bed, and close your eyes. I will do the rest.

[cawnviction]

[Crow nods in agreement, though he still can't quite believe he's going through with this. But then again, he's always kind of wondered what it'd be like to surrender vision to a sexual partner. Besides, he's heard it feels better, too, because of the sensory deprivation.

With that in mind, he steps into the bathroom to do exactly what he'd intended to do earlier; clean up the 'blood' from himself, as well as... fish out that condom from somewhere inside him. Ugh. Straight into the bin that goes.

But eventually he's done, lower half wet from water, and makes his way back to sit on the edge of the bed, closing his eyes.]

Let me know when you've finished securing the blindfold. I'll check if I can still see through it.

[intercalaryninja]

Right.

[One pair of Tsukikage's hands rest on Crow's shoulders, while his triple jointed arms extend out and go to to untie his mask. There's a long pause though, as Tsukikage reevaluates the situation, and confirms what he's about to do. Sure, Crow was going to still be unable to see, but the idea of loosening the binds around his mouth is somewhat more terrifying then the idea sex had originally been.

However, the ninja does take it off, and slowly reaches out to blindfold Crow. His touch is careful, moving as if when Crow was hurt, he'd see his face. The blue material is tightened around firmly, however, and Tsukikage steps a few paces back.]

. . . Can you see?

[His voice sounds distinctly less muffled. Only less. He still has his surgical mask on, after all.]

[cawnviction]

[Crow stays still as Tsukikage wraps his scarf around his head, covering his eyes. When he opens his eyes, Crow can still see a bit of light, but--]

Nah. Nothing distinct. Just uh, shadows I guess.

[intercalaryninja]

Right... I'm going to start then.

[Tsukikage takes his hands off Crow's shoulders and he bends his legs carefully so he can slot between Crow's. The second mask comes off and Tsukikage sighs as he takes in fresh air, his spare arms folding his mask and storing it appropriately. The man pushes his face close and his warm breath curls across Crow's slit.

The long gap coming from his mouth to his chin opens outwards, and the two halves of his face split in half. If anyone was sane or could see, immediately they'd know not to let Tsukikage near anything sensitive. The man had teeth literally everywhere, from the roof of his mouth to the sides, to the bottom, and even his tongue looked like they had little needles on them.

Thankfully the 'needles' aren't sharp, but rather bendy and soft. Tsukikage's tongue flickers out and, careful not to chomp on Crow, begins to lick.]