[NSFW] STUPID MONSTER SEXPOCALYPSES

[cawnviction]

HERE IS CROW, WHO YOU APPARENTLY WANT TO BANG FOR SOME REASON. WITH ALL YOUR ADDITIONAL APPENDAGES/POWERS, HOW WRONG CAN IT GO?

Also general gore warning on top of the NSFW warning because this is all about Bad Monster Ideas.

If you want to play it out monster sex going wrong, but not in a public manner, please post a blank comment and I'll screen it, which will cause the rest of the thread to be screened.


Things that have Gone Wrong (including threads in other peoples' museboxes):
- Crow getting his dick stuck in holes that are too small and rigid
- Crow literally breaking someone's ass
- Condoms and the equivalent of blood getting stuck inside Crow's genital slit
- Crow getting his mouth burned and ice cream stuck in the lower jaw of his whale mask
- Crow getting his tail burned
- Crow getting his dick ripped off (blowjobs going wrong in the worst way) before getting killed
- Crow killing someone via blowjob
- Crow getting a too hot dick up his ass

Comments

[intercalaryninja]

[Call a hospital and cut him loose, Crow. Or better yet, suggest it to him. Tsukikage's got to have some sort of blade within arms reach.]

Feel what?

[It's not your day, is it, Crow? Anything sensitive is inside the hole.]

[cawnviction]

[Okay. This doesn't sound in any way a good idea, but...]

There's no nerves in your outside, right? [Crow taps Tsukikage's exoskeleton again, claw making a solid sound.] If you're okay with this, we can try cutting me out.

[intercalaryninja]

Yes... that's right.

[Oh god, no. Crow don't-]

. . . If we're careful... it's possible. What are you thinking to cut it with?

[cawnviction]

[This just sounds like a horrible idea, but the squeeze on his dick is honestly making him more than a little desperate to be released. And god, he hadn't even thought that far. What do you even use to try and carefully cut spider exoskeleton without accidentally stabbing anything underneath?]

Uh.

[It's not like he carries weapons on him. They only really need to make a small crack maybe, right?]

I only have my claws.

[intercalaryninja]

You're free to try that, I trust you.

[This is gonna end terribly~]

[cawnviction]

[Crow doesn't feel very trustworthy right now. Who would trust a guy who got his dick stuck in a spider? Crow wouldn't.

Ngh. The easiest way would be to make a small crack, right? But how...?

With no small amount of trepidation, Crow squeezes the very tip of his claw in beside his dick -- that's all he can fit -- trying to hook it beneath the chitin and, with pressure from his thumb on the other side, break a small piece off. The idea is akin to breaking a piece of chocolate from a block.]

[intercalaryninja]

Grk..

[He can feel it. It's like picking a scab, and it hurts a little, but it's nothing too bad. First piece comes out and falls under Crow's nail.]

[cawnviction]

[It's obviously unpleasant for Tsukikage, but for Crow, just that tiny extra bit of space is instant relief from the sheer tightness that had plagued his dick, and he lets out a long breath.

He gives an experimental pull again, a wriggle inside Tsukikage, but he's still stuck, albeit less tightly than before.]

You okay? I think I gotta make one more break, so hang in there.

[Crow attempts to repeat the action on the other side of te first crack. He's not sure how successful it will be this time, but he hopes...]

[intercalaryninja]

I can manage.

[He can. It's only a little pain. Considering what Ryslig used to put him through to get him to this state of monsterness, he can deal with it. He winces though as the chip is picked off, coming out in Crow's hands. Something pink and slimy oozes out of the cracks, but Tsukikage can't see it.]

How are you feeling?

[cawnviction]

[Crow doesn't like the sound of that. "I can manage"... gives him a bad feeling.

...Just like that pink ooze. A distressed whale noise rips its way out of Crow's throat and he very manfully manages not to yank himself right out. Oh. Oh no. What the hell is that!? And it's all over his dick!?!?

His voice comes out a little high.]

I'm fine. I'm fine! Stay still, okay?

[Crow forces his hands to steady and with a little prying using his fingers, Crow finally, finally frees himself.]

[intercalaryninja]

Hm?

[Tsukikage blinks. He only feels the residual pain from Crow's picking, so he just watches Crow's face as he tries to pull out. He's doing very well to not tear his dick out of Tsukikage, all things considering, but he knows something is long as soon as Crow pushes with his hands and fingers. Tsukikage's eyes widen and he hisses, more of his innards spilling out with the jostling.]

A-ahhh... What happened?

[That hurts and that pink gunk is still slowly oozing out. Oh look... the gonopore lining is visible amongst the hemolymph.]

[cawnviction]

[This is the fastest boner killer ever. In fact, Crow's erection -- now that it's freed of Tsukikage's gonopore -- makes a hasty retreat back into his genital slit, condom, hemolymph and all. Augh! Not only is he gonna have to fish out the condom later, now there's spider blood in him, too!!

Focus. Crow hurriedly snatches up his shirt and shoves it up against Tsukikage's bleeding underside, applying pressure. Damn it, he has no idea how to do first aid on spiders???]

You're uh. [He doesn't know what the heck that pink stuff is but...] Bleeding. From where I broke off a bit of your shell.

[intercalaryninja]

[That's one fucking scared dick. You should have that checked, Crow. Tsukikage flinches as Crow all but shoves the cloth up there and sits up properly.]

Ugh... It... should be okay in the long run. I'd grow another exoskeleton in a few months and shed this one but...

[He has no idea what he's going to do now and he can't go bleeding from his crotch for the next few weeks.]

[cawnviction]

[Crow keeps his shirt pressed against Tsukikage's gonopore.]

The bleeding should stop soon. I mean, I'm sure spiders can still scab over, right?

[...Right? Crow drags a hand down his face.]

Sorry for such a crappy first time.

[intercalaryninja]

I'm sure they can.

[Not... one hundred percent though. He should try look it up later.]

No, it was my fault for rushing it. I didn't think such a... predicament would happen. I know now to avoid it...

[cawnviction]

[Crow waves away Tsukikage's apology.]

Neither of us were expecting it. This is kinda... uncharted territory, you know?

[No guides to monster sex in Ryslig. Crow checks the shirt. Hopefully the bleeding's slowed.]

I can take you home after this.

[Unless Tsukikage still had things he wanted to try?]

[intercalaryninja]

Maybe I should write up a map as a warning.

[Again, stop joking with a straight face, ninja.]

Are you sure? It feels... wrong. I'd prefer if I could make it up to you, Crow.

[cawnviction]

[Pft. The joke gets a quiet laugh from Crow. But after that? Crow can't help but flash Tsukikage an incredulous look.]

You're the one who's bleeding from your butt and you want to make it up to me?

[intercalaryninja]

Yes... I should have at least prepared properly if I wanted to do this. Being cowardly and not looking into it was completely my fault. The consequence isn't the amends.

[He'll... give you some sort of sexual favour, Crow-san]

[cawnviction]

[Crow shakes his head.]

There isn't anything to look up. What's out there on monster sex is what humans imagine it to be like. A lot of it is...

[Crow makes a vague gesture.]

If you want to do something for me, I'd rather you do it because you want to, not because you feel guilty, okay?

[intercalaryninja]

[Well, he was thinking more along the lines of fingering and dildos but he's not going to be stopping Crow's comfort train any time soon. He just nods along.]

I kind of want to do something with my mouth to your genitals.

[SEXY AS HELL YES.]

[cawnviction]

[Crow opens his mouth, then closes it. Then opens it again. Wow that delivery.]

You want to give me a blowjob.

[It's said flatly. His next words, however, are said with bewilderment.]

I still have your blood on me! And you still want to do that?

[intercalaryninja]

It wouldn't be the worst fluid in my mouth. I have no issue with it. In fact... cleaning you up will... help with the spider instincts.

[The ones that are ridiculously meticulous and are nagging at him to clean up his damn mess.]

May I?

[cawnviction]

[It's butt blood. Crow shakes his head.]

Look. Let me clean up first.

[In the bathroom.]

For humans, going anal to oral like that would be asking for trouble.

[Transferral of bacteria etc. etc. Martha made sure he knew.]

Besides, wouldn't you need to take off your mask to blow me?

MICROBIOLOGY MAJOR INTENSIFIES

[intercalaryninja]

[TECHNICALLY NOT since his asshole is like a couple of inches south of there. It's more like a vagina hole and the blood isn't even from there.]

Alright.

[Better Crow be somewhat comfortable over actually arguing specifics. Tsukikage can wait. Also TECHNICALLY that's not faecal oral transfer in the technical sense but details.]

I trust you not to look.

[He almost offers to blindfold you though.]