cawnviction | [NSFW] STUPID MONSTER SEXPOCALYPSES

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[NSFW] STUPID MONSTER SEXPOCALYPSES

HERE IS CROW, WHO YOU APPARENTLY WANT TO BANG FOR SOME REASON. WITH ALL YOUR ADDITIONAL APPENDAGES/POWERS, HOW WRONG CAN IT GO?

Also general gore warning on top of the NSFW warning because this is all about Bad Monster Ideas.

If you want to play it out monster sex going wrong, but not in a public manner, please post a blank comment and I'll screen it, which will cause the rest of the thread to be screened.

Things that have Gone Wrong (including threads in other peoples' museboxes):
- Crow getting his dick stuck in holes that are too small and rigid
- Crow literally breaking someone's ass
- Condoms and the equivalent of blood getting stuck inside Crow's genital slit
- Crow getting his mouth burned and ice cream stuck in the lower jaw of his whale mask
- Crow getting his tail burned
- Crow getting his dick ripped off (blowjobs going wrong in the worst way) before getting killed
- Crow killing someone via blowjob
- Crow getting a too hot dick up his ass

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[That squeaking should be hilarious, but it just gets the harpy chirruping again. How can he laugh like this, when he's being just as weird?! The unfairness intensifies.

Shulk will cuff Crow on the arm for that laugh though. He knows what you're thinking!! It's a weak hit though, he's too busy moaning, and staring in wonder at Crow's dick. It just kept...going, and the length of it is impressive. He focuses the movements of his hand at the end, since he's not sure all of it is sensitive.

Aaaand his reverie is broken because Crow's shoving stuff in his face again, or trying to -- lube doesn't go in the ear, Crow!

Crow does have a point though.]

Yeah, it's just--

[He was trying to communicate here! Instead, Shulk chokes on his words, groaning loudly. He appreciates the mer's strong hands. Who knows if that smart mouth is just as good.

And it's not really a turn off - being direct is great! - but it does draw him out of that heady haze he'd been dropped into. Shulk strains to think, squinting his eye.]

T-that sounds...is it possible? I don't think either one of us is that flexible.

[He's picturing like, contortionist level stuff. Either way, someone's going to be scrunched kind of funny.]

[Crow makes a 'tsk' sound at the back of his throat and lets go of Shulk's penis to jerk a thumb back at his chest.]

Nothing is impossible for Crow-sama!

[Besides, Crow knows he doesn't have to be that flexible to do Shulk in the ass and suck him off, and the fact he's short makes it a whole lot easier. Though the blowjob might be... tricky... with his face the way it is, but he'll cross that bridge when he gets to it!

Plucking up one of the condom packets -- where's the other one...? -- Crow tears it open before thrusting the rolled up rubber into Shulk's hands, practically forcing it into them. Leaning forward, Crow says, low and throaty in Shulk's ear--]

You should put that on me.

[Wow Crow, you stop touching him just to pose and say that? Shulk doesn't give people flat looks often, but you're sure getting one right now.

"Crow-sama", more like boner killer. The two are practically synonymous!

Shulk squeaks in surprise when he's met with a handful of condom, whoa there. He's clutching it awkwardly when Crow speaks, the mer's breath warm against his ear, and okay, alright, that definitely puts the mood back where it should be. The harpy shivers, before nodding once.]

R-right.

[He looks down, gaze flicking up to Crow's face briefly, before he grips the mer's considerable length. Well, here goes nothing. There don't seem to be condoms made for monsters specifically, but fortunately, one size fits all, and the harpy rolls it down in a few strokes.]

Uh, does it feel okay?

[Is it possible to put a condom on wrong? He has no idea.]

[Shulk, you don't even know what -sama means!

Crow watches Shulk's attempt at putting on a condom, before sighing.]

You haven't done this before, have you? You're supposed pinch the tip while you roll it on.

[Crow pulls off the condom and... well it's kind of... eh... using the same condom for attempt number 2, so he discards it. Really they should've been doing this earlier, but at least he remembered, that counts for something, right? Gaze searching for the second condom that had been lost on the bed, Crow manages to fish it out from under Shulk's thigh.]

Try again.

[He doesn't need to know exactly what it means to know that it's really lame. So uncool, Crow.

Also wow, you just sit there and watch him fail? No intervention to stop the wasteful use of a condom? For shame.

Shulk runs a hand through his hair, looking embarrassed. He's done it before, okay! But this means he's been doing it wrong. Oops. This is what you get for sleeping with a yokel everybody. He suppresses a laugh when Crow goes rummaging around under his thigh too - hey, that tickles - before accepting attempt number two.

This time, he looks for Crow's approval the whole way through, glancing up step by step.]

Like...that?

[Is your whale dong properly contained, sir.]

[His whale dong is properly contained! Well. Mostly. Humans just don't make condoms for dongs this long. Crow gives Shulk and approving nod, his hand lightly stroking Shulk's cock briefly before he glances over the side of the bed for the bag with the condoms.]

We're gonna need one for you, too.

[Then it's not properly contained!! But, well, no human or monster is made to take a dong that long either, in one place or another. Gotta work with what you have.

Shulk's breath shudders, the light touch not what he expected from Crow, and it takes him a moment to register what Crow said, and a bit longer to answer. The harpy wrinkles his nose.]

It's more trouble than it's worth, trust me. [He gestures to...himself.] Besides, I don't want to waste our efforts.

[They already had to revive the mood once! For emphasis, Shulk tries to catch Crow's eye, gripping the mer's length, pumping it. Why pay attention to ethics when you can pay attention to him?]

[Fffffuck, since when has Shulk been the forward one? That grip is tight. Ngh. Crow's words come out shaking, half hearted, his gaze reluctantly leaving the bag and going to Shulk's eyes.]

I was-- [Goddamn it Shulk stop doing that but keep going] --taught...

[He trails off with a quiet moan. Crow, being a stickler for "rules"? Say it isn't so! It looks like Crow needs a little more convincing.]

[Since his dick started driving his actions and not his brain, that's when. Which as anyone knows, the moment logic leaves the wheel, regrets are sure to follow.

Shulk wets his lip, biting back a smile. Wow, this might be the most convincing argument he's used against Crow, and he doesn't need to say a thing! Instead, he hums in acknowledgment. He's listening, really.

He's just going to lean forward, stroking Crow more insistently as he lets out a gust of warm breath over Crow's gills, before brushing his lips over them. Not enough? He'll try nipping at them to really drive his point home.]

[Crow can't help the shiver and loud groan. God, Shulk, what an ass! Frustrated and sinfully aroused, Crow shoves Shulk back down onto the bed and pins him, a hand grasping for the bottle of lube and holding it up so Shulk can clearly see it.]

Fine. [Crow flicks the lid of the bottle open.] But if I get anything weird, I'm blaming you.

[Slicking his fingers -- looking down at Shulk's feathery ass, putting some on the guy seems like an endeavour rife with uselessness -- Crow feels around, trying to find Shulk's entrance under all those damn feathers. Oh wait, there's a small dip...

Crow pushes a finger in, curling it and stroking, thumb pushing down hard and rubbing on the outside.]

[Him, an ass? Nah, never. Perish the thought.

Shulk grunts when he's shoved and pinned, blinking. Wow, that was effective, wasn't it? For once, he's the one with a cheeky smile.]

I'm clean, promise.

[As far as he knows, anyway. It's not like he sleeps around that often!

The harpy takes to watching Crow work, helpfully spreading his legs and lifting his hips, heart speeding up in anticipation. It tickles, and he wiggles a bit, freezing when Crow finds what he's looking for on his feathery butt adventure. Shulk groans. The lube is cool initially, but it warms up quickly as Crow strokes him inside and out, and any further commentary out of his mouth is reduced to moans.

It's not long before he's bucking against the mer's hand insistently. Don't go easy on him, Crow!!]

[Crow has absolutely no intention of going easy on Shulk. Shulk was the one who's thirsty for whale dick so Crow'll give it to him! Up his feathery asshole!!

While Crow continues to stroke Shulk with the finger that's in him, Crow squeezes lube onto his cock with his free hand. It's a little clumsier than if he was using both hands, but it gets the job done. Putting the bottle away, Crow uses his free hand and runs it along his penis, making sure the lube spread evenly, before withdrawing his finger from Shulk but keeping it pressed against Shulk's entrance.

Crow grins, showing off all his teeth.]

I'm diving in.

[So soon? Well that's what Shulk gets for making him so frustrated. Using his finger to guide him, Crow presses the narrow head of his dick to Shulk's entrance before pushing himself inside, eyes on Shulk the entire time. The comparatively narrow tip of his penis makes it easy, but as he slowly plunges in deeper, Crow's girth becomes larger the closer his crotch comes to meeting Shulk's butt gets.

Butt Crow can't fit himself all the way in -- he's simply too long for that -- to bury all of himself in, though Crow goes as far as he can before he pauses, watching Shulk's reaction when Crow moves inside him. The joys of a prehensile penis.]

[For once, Crow and Shulk are on the same page. Show him what you're made of, Crow!!

The harpy whimpers at the attention, and it may have just been one finger but he already feels emptier for it when Crow pulls away. Pulls away to make a dumb joke, of all things! He'd give Crow a petulant look in return to that grin, if he weren't suddenly sucking in a breath when he feels that tip pressed against him.

It's not that different from the mer's finger, at first, sliding in easily enough. At least with its shape, he's gradually stretched, and his eyelids flutter at the sensation. The harpy bites his lip for good measure too. He gasps, mouth falling open when Crow finally comes to a stop. Oh, geez, has he been holding his breath the whole time? Talk about being tense. He pants a bit, trying to relax, but then Crow has to go and do that!

Shulk yelps, nearly sits up, back arching in surprise. Whoa! Seriously, that's just evil. And too powerful for its own good, because as weird as it is, it puts pressure on something, pressure that feels really nice.]

A-a-are you doing that on purpose...?

[Look, you've got him stuttering.]

[Crow grins, leaning over Shulk and doing it again just for good measure, breathing in Shulk's ear--]

Nope. It's a complete accident.

[Blatant lies. But it's a good distraction while he shifts his position back down, hands framing Shulk's hips. It seems easier to work out how to go down on Shulk with a face like his before he starts thrusting, so while he wriggles and curls his cock inside Shulk, Crow lowers his head over the harpy's crotch.

Turning to avoid his mask's teeth from cutting into Shulk, Crow experimentally runs the side of his tongue along the base of Shulk's dick, flicking it against every barb he encounters along the way.]

[Crow is a lying liar who lies!! Shulk would shove him again, if he could.

But he can't, because the feeling of Crow curling inside him and that warm breath against his ear has him shuddering, groaning. Pressing his head back against the mattress. It's seriously unfair! Crow has free reign to puzzle it out then, while Shulk is squirming from pleasure.

Of course, Crow had other things in mind too, and Shulk gasps at the feeling of Crow's tongue brushing against his cock, hips jerking with every flick. At this point he's convinced the mer is merciless, because the simultaneous assault on his senses is going to drive him wild.

And he's pretty sure this is just teasing so far. The harpy moans, huffs, bucks his hips instead of using words like a polite person. Quit playing around, Crow!]

[Wow Shulk. Talk about I M P A T I E N T. Quit waving your dick in front of his face, Crow gets the idea already, geez! If Shulk's not careful, he's going to get it caught on the teeth of Crow's mask, now that would be a real tragedy.

Though admittedly, Crow can't wipe the grin off his face; seeing Shulk get all hot and bothered sends the heat directly downwards.

But Crow can't just go straight down on Shulk; his mask would get in the way. Unless Shulk likes the sensation of a whale snout hitting his belly and teeth poking his ass, Crow's gotta do it differently. Lifting one of Shulk's legs to hook it around his hip, Crow wraps a hand around the base of Shulk's length -- even if Shulk isn't prehensile, unless he has an actual bone in there, his dick should still be flexible -- and curves it into his mouth, folding his lips over teeth.

Crow doesn't yet suck him. Instead he rolls his tongue over the tip before exploring the crease joining the head with the shaft, hips beginning to move in slow, languid thrusts, prehensile dick arcing inside Shulk to find the best position within him. Using the flat of his tongue, Crow strokes the underside of Shulk's dick before curling his tongue, lightly flicking, saliva moistening the movement between mouth and cock.

Is Crow being mildly frustrating on purpose? Maybe.]

Edited 2016-03-01 17:23 (UTC)

[Waving a dick, waving the Monado, same thing. Apparently Shulk has a habit of doing both. If it's really that troublesome, just make him hold still, Crow. You've got the strength for it!

And hey, don't knock it until you try it. Maybe teeth on your butt feels nice, somehow. The harpy isn't interested in further experimenting though, not now anyway. Crow's already doing like, mad scientist stuff here. He grunts when Crow moves his leg, pressing his ankle against the mer. Gasps when Crow grabs his poor, neglected dick, groaning when finally, there's a wet heat around it.

Of course, Crow has to be a tease. Shulk doesn't think to complain immediately though, whimpering a bit at the light touches, breaking off into a short keen when Crow's length curves inside him again. He threads his fingers in Crow's hair, brushing at the mer's scalp before gripping and tugging at handfuls or orange.

Is he expressing approval or further impatience? Who knows! Probably both.]

[Crow makes a show of allowing his hair to be pulled -- the tugging pleasant against his scalp -- lifting his head off Shulk's cock briefly to grin at him, warm breath fanning over Shulk's erection. But he's kept Shulk waiting long enough, soon going down on the harpy, this time using his lips and mouth to fully envelop the head of Shulk's penis, finally sucking in earnest, hips rolling as he moves his own dick in and out of Shulk's ass.

Unknown to Crow, he begins to drain water from Shulk, shivering in pleasure that rocks him from spine all the way down to his tail. Spurred on, Crow takes more of Shulk's length into his mouth, sucking harder, tongue tracing Shulk's barbs before curling around the shaft and stroking as Crow bobs his head to an even rhythm in time with his thrusts.]

[Shulk purses his lips at that cheeky grin, a veritable pout, but it's all he can muster, letting his head slam back against the mattress as Crow continues.

The harpy trills from the pleasure that hits him in waves, hips rolling time with Crow's, the attention to his cock and the press of the mer inside him making him writhe, pulling at the mer's hair like it's a lifeline.

At least, that's how it is at first. The high that was building starts to wane...he feels oddly tired, thirstier when Crow gets more enthusiastic. Which the harried pace is nice, still, but the harpy licks at dry lips. His hold on Crow's hair slackens then, and he'd lift his head, say something is wrong, but he can't. Tries, before flopping uselessly. Struck by sudden weakness and dizziness in tandem, and all he can do is croak weakly. His head is pounding.

Something...something's not right, is the brief thought his brain musters, Shulk staring up at the ceiling. His eyes start to burn.]

[The more Crow sucks, the more he wants to keep going. Which isn't unusual in itself, but...

Crow lets out a deep rumble from the back of his throat, closing his eyes and taking in the rest of Shulk's dick into his mouth, his entire body shuddering as euphoria rushes over him from head all the way down to his tail. His thrusts into the harpy grow frantic, invigorating energy practically thrumming through his veins the more he continues.

Crow doesn't notice anything wrong. How can he, when all he's aware of is pleasure hitting him in waves, crushing all semblance of thought under it?

Even if he did, Crow's too far gone to even consider something as silly as stopping.]

[Shulk's ears are ringing, and the light above hurts his eyes terribly, and his clarity of thought is swallowed in confusion and terror -- he doesn't understand why Crow doesn't seem to notice. He just keeps going as if everything is fine. Shouldn't he recognize his partner in this is awfully silent? Near unresponsive?

The harpy doesn't feel pleasure anymore, only pain. Skin pulled thin and taut, muscles locking up from dehydration.

It's agony.

He can't even scream, only wheeze. His body isn't working anymore, and his tongue feels like cotton in his mouth. He blinks, closes his mouth to keep some moisture in but his lips stick together and he doesn't have the strength to open it again.

It's hard to tell when he passes. But it's quiet.]

[Crow's eyes are closed, completely unaware of Shulk's predicament as euphoria thrums through his entire body, tingling energy seeping from his spine to the very tips of his fingers. He can't stop, won't stop.

Crow lifts his head off Shulk, arching and letting out a shuddering moan as he comes inside the harpy.

Then he looks down. Sees the shrivelled body on the bed, feathers lifelessly splayed out on the sheets. Sees the dried up fig of a penis he'd been sucking just moments earlier. Crow lets out a horrified (and disgusted) shriek, hurriedly pulling out and clamping his hands over his mouth before he draws any more attention to the room.]

Oh crap.

[Did he just... He just killed Shulk by giving him a blowjob. Damn it! He should've just stuck to hands and anal! This is just like when he kissed that unconscious guy in some back alley with Yusei!

Oh no. Yusei. What's he going to tell Yusei? "Sorry, your boyfriend cheated on you with me and I accidentally killed him?" That's gonna go down well. He can't believe he didn't notice what was happening to Shulk, too! Crow drags a hand down his face. Also he just got off in a dead guy's ass!! Disgusted, Crow pulls the condom off his dick, which returns to its usual place inside his genital slit.]

What the hell am I gonna do?

[He can't just leave Shulk here for some poor sod to discover. But he can't just lug a sack of skin and bones around with him, and the idea of dumping what's left of Shulk into the trash doesn't sit well with him.

Wait, don't these places usually have a bag for laundry?

Crow practically leaps off the bed and yanks open the doors to the wardrobe. Perfect. Striding back to the bed, Crow unceremoniously shoves Shulk's clothes and corpse into the laundry bag and ties it into a knot. Crow dresses himself in a hurry before unlatching the window and shoving it open. Time to make his getaway.

...He hopes Rin doesn't mind something less meaty for his soup kitchen.]

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